“The new work suggests that ceaseless sperm production takes its toll on a male, perhaps requiring the use of complex enzymes or biochemical processes that have harmful metabolic byproducts.”

two or three inches of the penis is rooted inside the body in the pubococcygeus (pronounced PEW-bo-cox-uh-GEE-us) muscle – often just called the PC muscle – and it is possible, as we explain in the next chapter, to strengthen this muscle for stronger erections, stronger orgasms, and better ejaculatory control.

…the truth is that the size of your erection is much less important than its strength and what you do with it.

Your testicles are pulled into the body as they prepare to ejaculate. Pulling the testicles down away from the body, which we describe below, is one age-old technique for postponing ejaculation.

The penis actually withdraws into the body if it is not used regularly, as many older men who are not sexually active have witnessed. The Taoists knew that it is as important to exercise your sexual organs as any other part of your body.

“The mind moves and the chi follows.”

You must learn to draw your sexual energy out of your genitals and to circulate it through the rest of your body to truly master the Taoist techniques for experiencing multiple and whole-body orgasms and for improving your health.

It is much easier to avoid ejaculating when you can remain in the erect and hard third stage. Pulling the sexual energy up helps keep the penis from getting to the final, stiff and hot stage.

…preseminal fluid…may, however, have a number of sperm in it. This is the “pre-ejaculate” that they warn you about in sex-education classes, so you will need to make sure that you continue to use birth control even if you don’t ejaculate.

Occasionally…you may experience an orgasm without ejaculating but lose your erection. If this is not simply due to a decrease in your arousal, you probably have experienced a retrograde, or backward, ejaculation. When this occurs, the semen goes into your bladder and passes harmlessly out of your body the next time you urinate.

Many multi-orgasmic men describe themselves as mentally falling backward into nonejaculatory orgasms instead of falling forward into ejaculation. The idea is to stay as close as possible to the point of ejaculatory inevitability – reveling in the contractile-phase orgasm – without cresting over into ejaculation.

When practicing any of these exercises always inhale through you nose, which filters and warms the air. When you inhale through your mouth, you breathe unfiltered unwarmed air, which is harder for your body to assimilate.

When you are in the heat of passion, this ability to control your breathing will be essential to stopping yourself from ejaculating and to expanding the feeling of orgasm throughout your whole body.

Although it is not as important to exhale through your nose as it is to inhale, it is still preferable. Some people, however, find it easier to exhale through their mouth when breathing deeply.

Most men feel their PC muscle at their perineum, just behind their testicles and in front of their anus. This is the muscle you use to stop yourself from urinating when you can’t find a toilet. The PC muscle is also responsible for the rhythmic contractions in your pelvis and anus during orgasm. In The G Spot, Ladas, Whipple, and Perry describe the importance of the PC muscle: “If men increase the strength of their pubococcygeus muscle, they too can learn to become multiply orgasmic and separate between orgasm and ejaculation.” Your orgasm builds from your prostate, so learning how to squeeze on the prostate with your pelvic muscles is essential.

Women who have developed strong PC muscles can hold a man’s penis in their vagina more tightly, increasing sensation for both partners.

Because the bladder and the prostate are so close, you should also urinate before self-pleasuring or lovemaking whenever your bladder feels full.

Consistency is more important the quantity.

The Taoist masters saw masturbation, which they called solo cultivation or genital exercise, as an essential way of developing ejaculatory control and of learning to circulate sexual energy to revitalize the body.

If you choose to use pornography or erotica to get aroused, try, once you are aroused, to shift your focus to the sensations in your body. Pornography, though it can increase your sexual energy, is also distracting and can make it difficult for you to focus on your own sensations as you approach orgasm.

…pornography succeeds when it takes you away from yourself. In this practice you need to go inward and experience your own pleasure, not someone else’s idea of pleasure.

Pushing on this spot when you are about to ejaculate can help stop the ejaculatory reflex… Pushing on this spot can squeeze more blood into your penis, which will make it throb pleasurably.

In the beginning, you will probably need to stop stimulating yourself for ten or twenty seconds to allow the urge to ejaculate to subside.

One technique that has proved especially effective is to breathe in deeply and hold your breath for several moments until the urge to ejaculate subsides. Some multi-orgasmic men, however, breathe rapidly to delay ejaculation. (This quick, shallow breathing is call the breath of fire in the yoga tradition.) Deep, slow breathing helps control your sexual energy, whereas shallow, rapid breathing helps disperse the energy.

I don’t get blue balls, because I do deep breathing and draw the energy up. I just feel relaxed.”

Men in particular are prone to holding in their emotions, which often can lead to energetic blockages in the Front Channel, along which emotions are stored, that is, in your heart, solar plexus, stomach, and intestines.

Ejaculation is simply an involuntary muscle spasm, which you are learning to make voluntary so that you can choose if and when you want to ejaculate.

NEVER LEAVE SEXUAL ENERGY IN THE BRAIN FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME

You need to be soft with your body.

If this happens or if you find you have too much “nervous” energy, simply touch your tongue to your palate (which will connect the Back and Front Channels) and draw the energy down from your head to your navel, where it can be stored.

If your head hurts, you feel “wired,” or you are having difficulty sleeping, you may be leaving too much stagnant energy in your head.

Every time you orgasm, you draw more sexual energy into your body, therefore, if you eventually ejaculate, you lose less energy than you would have had you not had multiple orgasms beforehand.

If you have half a dozen orgasms and then use the Big Draw (and don’t ejaculate), you will not lose any of your sexual energy.

…by generating and containing this much energy, you risk overheating unless you are able to circulate the energy through the Microcosmic Orbit.

According to the Tao, erection energy is wood (or liver) energy. So when you don’t ejaculate and you pull up the orgasmic energy, you will increase this energy in your liver. If this increasing energy is not transformed into love and kindness, it will transform into anger and hatred. So when you have a lot of energy, practice being especially kind and loving to your partner or, if you do not have a partner, to other people in your life.

Other techniques for preventing yourself from overheating include drinking a lot of water and even swallowing your own saliva, which has a cooling effect on the body. Your emotional state can also affect the energy in your body. If you feel calm and loving, the body can much more easily absorb the energy. If you feel anger or disdain for yourself or your partner, you run a greater risk of overheating. If you are overheating or feel you have more energy than you can absorb, you should probably ejaculate.

…it is essential that you avoid the bravado and machismo that accompany so much male sexuality.

To practice Sexual Kung Fu correctly, you need to open your heart and practice with a spirit of humility and loving-kindness, not arrogance and self-centeredness. Egotism is just an expression of insecurity, and as you learn real sexual confidence, you will be able to let go of pretension and posturing. Remember that this practice and your new sexual energy will magnify your emotions.

…the best lovers are men who are completely relaxed and aware of what is going on in both their own and their partner’s bodies.

…women have a relatively short tube to the bladder, which is a major reason women tend to get more urinary-tract and bladder infections than men.

Most women who report finding the G spot locate it one and a half to two inches from the opening of the vagina on the upper front wall, just behind the pubic bone.

Try licking her clitoris with your tongue while touching her G spot with your finger and see how she responds!

Intercourse in the common face-to-face “missionary” position often misses the G spot completely. It is easier to stimulate this area with your penis if your partner lies on her stomach and you enter her from behind, or if she is on top, where she can position herself for her pleasure. Shallow thrusting is also best for stimulating her G spot. Fingers, however, are usually the most direct and effective way to stimulate her G spot at first.

Generally, try to circle around your partner’s breasts to increase her anticipation and desire before actually touching the nipples themselves… Rubbing your fingers together to warm them before touching her nipples will increase the amount of chi, or energy, and can help stimulate her… Licking her nipples with your tongue is often very effective since your tongue has a lot of chi.

Most women take longer to become aroused than most men, but once women are aroused, their desire can generally outlast that of their partners.

If her nipples harden and she pushes out her belly, slowly and shallowly enter her. If her throat is dry and she swallows saliva, slowly begin to move inside her. If she starts to move her bottom, she is experiencing great pleasure. If her vagina is well lubricated or if she raises her legs to encircle you, enter her more deeply. If she presses her thighs together, her pleasure is becoming overwhelming. If she moves from side to side, she wants you to thrust deeply from side to side. If she is perspiring enough to dampen the sheets or she straightens her body and closes her eyes, she wants to orgasm. If she arches her body against yours, her pleasure has peaked. If she stretches out and relaxes, pleasure fills her entire body. If her vaginal secretions spread down her thighs and over her buttocks, she is fully satisfied and you should slowly withdraw.

…when you approach her breasts, spiral around them in ever narrower circles until you slowly reach her nipples…rub your thumbs and forefingers together to generate more chi Finally, touch her nipples lightly, and try rolling them between your thumbs and index fingers.

…the clitoris’s sensitivity is far more concentrated than that of the penis, and you are better off with more focused, subtler movements than with the kind of vigorous stimulation that most men enjoy.

It is also important not to get overly fixated on her genitals to the exclusion of the rest of her body. Some women feel disconnected during oral sex, and this feeling can be lessened by using your hands to continue caressing her legs, belly, breasts, hands, and face. Many women find that having their nipples stimulated during oral sex can heighten their pleasure immensely. Other women find that this distracts them from the intensity of clitoral stimulation. As for clitoral techniques, you probably will want to try a combination of brushing with your lips, flicking with your tongue, and sucking with your mouth. Alternating between using your tongue and gently sucking her clitoris into your mouth can be extremely pleasurable.

…use one finger (or, if she’s very aroused, two fingers) to enter her. Circle around the wall of her vagina to find where she is most sensitive. Don’t forget to try the G spot about an inch or two behind her clitoris. You may also wish to thrust your fingers in and out (slowly at first), simulating the action of your penis.

“A simplistic search for bodily levers and push-buttons, leads to mechanical sex since the energy that charges the erotic circuits is emotion.” Knowledge of your partner’s body is essential, but there is no substitute for sincere affection.

…nine shallow and one deep. (As you learn to control your ejaculation, you can lessen the ratio to six or even three shallow to one deep.)

The deep thrust pushes all of the air out of her vagina, creating a vacuum, which the shallow thrusts intensify. You want to avoid withdrawing completely, which breaks the seal of the vacuum; instead, pull back so that you are about an inch or so inside her.

This thrust uses the base of your penis, which is your least sensitive spot, to stimulate your partner’s clitoris, which is her most sensitive spot…

Instead of thrusting forward and pulling back, you should “screw” your hips or ideally your sacrum in half circles, first on one side and then the other.

According to the Tao, it is the sacrum that controls the penis.

To isolate your sacrum, put one hand on your pubis and one hand on your sacrum and try to spiral left and then right. Next, try tilting your penis up as you push your tailbone (the base of your sacrum) forward (curving your back out slightly), and then try tilting your penis down as you push your tailbone back (arching your spine slightly). Once you have isolated your sacrum, you can really screw.

One of the benefits of using a condom – one that we discuss in the section called “When to Start: A Few Words About Safer Sex” later in this chapter – is that by desensitizing your penis you can make your lovemaking last longer, especially if your partner wants you to thrust hard and deep.

The main drawbacks of the position are that your hands are usually involved in holding yourself up and that your partner’s G spot is bypassed almost entirely unless you tilt your sacrum and angle your penis up. You can address this problem by having your partner place a pillow under her buttocks so that her pelvis is tilted back. She can also drape her legs over your arms or shoulders, which has the same effect as the pillow and also allows you to penetrate more deeply. The higher her legs, the deeper the penetration. This is especially helpful if your partner has a relatively large vagina and you have a relatively small penis.

Since women take longer to boil, it is often good for the man to begin on top.

Most men find that this is the easiest position in which to learn to control their ejaculations and to become multi-orgasmic.

In this position, as you may have noticed, your partner’s vagina feels especially tight, which makes ejaculatory control more difficult… This position is especially good for men with smaller penises or women with larger vaginas. This position also allows direct stimulation of your partner’s G spot, although her clitoris receives relatively indirect stimulation – a situation you can remedy with your fingers.

You cannot receive her yin energy without giving her your yang energy. Allowing her to absorb your excess yang energy will also help you avoid building up too much energy in your genitals and ejaculating. If you ejaculate, it is difficult to exchange energy, because you lose most of yours.

Smiling and laughter have the ability to transform negative energy into positive energy and to heal our bodies and minds. If you have a lot of negativity in general, you should try practicing the Inner Smile and the Six Healing Sounds.

Since female sexuality is less precipitous, most women want to disengage more gradually, with tender words and caresses.

By not ejaculating, the man does not transfer as much bodily fluid (and, potentially, as many bacteria and viruses) to the woman. Also, by not ejaculating he does not draw in as much fluid (and, potentially, as many bacteria and viruses) from the woman.

Not putting on enough lubricant is one of the major reasons that condoms break.

If the condom breaks and you have ejaculated, safer-sex experts recommend that your partner urinate and insert spermicidal foam or jelly into her vagina to help destroy the sperm, viruses, and bacteria.

It is no wonder that many women lose interest in sex that is frenetic and lacks real connection, physical and emotional.

Harmonizing your and his breathing is also part of the couples practice which can help the two of you connect with one another more deeply.

The most important technique your partner will be using to delay ejaculation is the pumping of his sexual energy away from his genitals and up through his spine to the rest of his body. If the sexual energy continues to build up in his groin, it will eventually he too great to control and will shoot out in the most direct way it can – through his penis.

In the past, women who practiced the Tao were able to use their vaginal (what we now call the PC) muscle to squeeze the head of their partner’s penis, which would also help prevent him from ejaculating.

Encouraging your partner…to stimulate your clitoris during lovemaking is a clear way to help yourself become more orgasmic.

“Especially after a woman has a baby, she has a tendency to get tired more easily and not to enjoy sex as much. Not all women, but many.”

…the most important part of the practice is simply contracing and releasing your PC muscle as oen as you can…

If you learn to circulate energy yourself, you will be able to expand your orgasms throughout your body.

Alcohol is an anesthetic and therefore numbs sensation. Though alcohol may dampen your arousal, it also diminishes your ability to control it.

The more you can shift your focus from how you did, how long you lasted, and how much you satisfied your partner to the pleasure that you and your partner are experiencing, the better off you and your erection will be.

The cure for impotence is to cultivate the sexual energy while avoiding ejaculation at all costs.

Poor circulation, superficial breathing, and an unhealthy diet could all make it worse. Smoking is especially bad for your circulation, since it causes the blood vessels and arteries to constrict and interferes with your breathing. Alcohol and caffeine also drain the body and should be avoided while you are trying to strengthen your sexual energy.

The strength of an erection is much more important than its size.

Engaging in nonejaculatory sex is the most important thing you can do to increase the volume, concentration, and count of your sperm. According to Western medical research, each day you do not ejaculate, you raise your sperm count by 50 to 90 million sperm.

Avoid making love right after a big meal. After you have eaten, your body needs to focus its blood and energy on digestion. When you finish a meal, you should be satisfied, not stuffed, with a little hunger remaining.

So avoid violating your bodily, emotional, and spiritual integrity by having sex with someone you do not respect and love. In choosing a partner, you are quite literally choosing your spiritual destiny.

If you sleep with someone you do not love, your energy will be in disharmony and either drain you or cause imbalances. For the same reason, you should make love with your partner only when you feel true affection for her. If you feel you must sleep with women you do not love, try to be as kind and loving to them as you can be.