Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers

by

INTRODUCTION Opening the Door

  • All too often, we decide to feeling fear is a good enough reason not to do something. Fear can stop us from doing what we want to do, and need to do in order to feel good about ourselves.

What Are You Afraid of . . . and Why?

LEVEL 1 FEARS

LEVEL 2 FEARS

LEVEL 3 FEAR

I CAN’T HANDLE IT!

AT THE BOTTOM OF EVERY ONE OF YOUR FEARS IS SIMPLY THE FEAR THAT YOU CAN’T HANDLE WHATEVER LIFE MAY BRING YOU.

  • You can handle all your fears without controlling anything in the outside world.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO DIMINISH YOUR FEAR IS TO DEVELOP MORE TRUST IN YOUR ABILITY TO HANDLE WHATEVER COMES YOUR WAY!

WHATEVER HAPPENS TO ME, GIVEN ANY SITUATION, I CAN HANDLE IT!

I’LL HANDLE IT!

Can’t You Make It Go Away?

TRUTH 1: THE FEAR WILL NEVER GO AWAY AS LONG AS I CONTINUE TO GROW.

  • Fear isn’t going to go away.
  • You no longer have to work so hard in getting rid of the fear.

TRUTH 2: THE ONLY WAY TO GET RID OF THE FEAR OF DOING SOMETHING IS TO GO OUT AND DO IT.

  • Doing it comes before fear goes away.

TRUTH 3: THE ONLY WAY TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF IS TO GO OUT . . . AND DO IT.

  • Doing it comes before the feeling better about yourself.

TRUTH 4: NOT ONLY AM I GOING TO EXPERIENCE FEAR WHENEVER I’M ON UNFAMILIAR TERRITORY, BUT SO IS EVERYONE ELSE.

  • Everyone is afraid of an unfamiliar territory.

TRUTH 5: PUSHING THROUGH FEAR IS LESS FRIGHTENING THAN LIVING WITH A BIGGER, UNDERLINED FEAR THAT COMES FROM THE FEELING OF HELPLESSNESS.

  • We can’t escape fear. We can only transform it from an anchor holding us in one spot to a companion that accompanies us through our many exciting adventures.

Five Truths about Fear

From Pain to Power

IF EVERYBODY FEELS FEAR WHEN APPROACHING SOMETHING TOTALLY NEW IN LIFE, YET SO MANY ARE OUT THERE “DOING IT” DESPITE THEIR FEAR, THEN WE MUST CONCLUDE THAT FEAR IS NOT THE PROBLEM.

  • The real issue has nothing to do with the fear, but rather how we hold the fear.
  • Move yourself from the position of pain to the position of power.

Whether You Want It or Not . . . It’s Yours

Seven Ways to Reclaim Your Power

I am powerful, and I am loving.

I am powerful, and I am loved.

I am powerful, and I love it.

  • Do you see yourself as a victim, or are you taking responsibility for what happens to you in your life?
  • You are in total control of your reaction to whatever happens in life.
  • If we create our own misery, we can also create our own joy.

Taking responsibility means never blaming anyone else for anything that you are being, doing, having or feeling.

  • Until you understand you and no one else create what goes on in your head, you’ll never in control of your life.
  • When you blame any outside force for your experience of life, you’re giving away all your power.
  • Griping is a habit, and needs to be replaced by something more positive.

Taking responsibility means not blaming yourself.

  • Anything that takes away your power or pleasure makes you a victim.
  • Understand you’ve always done the best that you possible could, given the person you were at any point in time.

Taking responsibility means knowing when and when you’re NOT taking responsibility, so that you can eventually change it.

  • There’s only one person in the world who can make me happy or unhappy, and that is me.
  • Signs of anger, upset, blaming others, pain, vengeance, self-pity, envy, helplessness, impatience, joylessness, fatigue, addictions, judgmental attitude, disappointment, jealousy . . . figure out what you’re not doing in your life that is causing you to feel that way.

Taking responsibility means handling your biggest enemy, your chatter box.

  • Commit to replacing your chatter box with a loving voice.
  • Once we get rid of negativity that our chatter box brings, we’ll begin to enjoy being alone.

Pollyanna Rides Again

  • What makes negative thinking more realistic than positive thinking? There is an automatic assumption that negative is realistic and positive is unrealistic.
  • Over 90% of what we worry never happens. Being realistic is far more realistic than being negative.
  • The power of words – it doesn’t matter if we believe the words or not.
  • Subconscious mind doesn’t know what is true or false. It doesn’t judge. It only reacts to the words that is fed.

Beginner’s Intensive for Positive Thinking

  • Purchase a small portable cassette player.
  • Pick up some inspirational & motivational tapes & books.
  • Fill up some index cards with positive quotes & affirmations.
    “Ships in harbor are safe, but that’s not what ships are not built for.”
  • “I’m breaking through all the patterns, and moving forward with my life.”
  • “I am now creating my perfect relationship.”
  • “I am drawing to me all good things.”
  • “My world is filled with abundance.”
  • “I am creating a beautiful day.”
  • “I relax, and let go.”
  • “I make a difference.”
  • “There is plenty of time.”
  1. Always state them in the present: I am now handling my fears, not I’m going to handle my fears.
  2. Always phrase in the positive, rather than the negative: I am becoming more confident, not I am no longer putting myself down. 

o   Don’t quit. It is a life-long process.

o   Don’t use positive thinking as an excuse for denial.

o   Pain is a part of life. In the end, there will be much to be learned from any pain that we experience.

When “They” Don’t Want You to Grow

IT IS AMAZINGLY EMPOWERING TO HAVE THE SUPPORT OF A STRONG, MOTIVATED AND INSPIRATIONAL GROUP OF PEOPLE.

BELIEVE THAT YOUR MATE WANTS WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND THAT HE OR SHE WILL ULTIMATELY LOVE THE POSITIVE CHANGES IN YOU.

How to Make a No-Lose Decision

THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU CAN HANDLE ANYTHING THAT COMES YOUR WAY IS THE KEY TO ALLOWING YOURSELF TO TAKE RISKS.

Before Making a Decision

YOU’RE NOT A FAILURE IF YOU DON’T MAKE IT; YOU’RE A SUCCESS BECAUSE YOU TRY.

After Making a Decision

NO-LOSE DECISION-MAKING PROGRESS

BEFORE MAKING A DECISION

AFTER MAKING A DECISION

NO-WIN DECISION-MAKING PROGRESS

BEFORE MAKING A DECISION

AFTER MAKING A DECISION

Exercises

IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER

SO WHAT! I’LL HANDLE IT!

How Whole Is Your “Whole Life”?

ACTION IS THE KEY TO YOUR SUCCESS

Just Nod Your Head¾Say “Yes!”

IN SAYING “YES” LIES THE ANTIDOTE TO OUR FEAR.

  • Unexpected events or even the possibility of the unexpected sets us up for a great deal of fear. We anticipate the worst.
  • When you say yes, you diminish your fear.
  • Saying no means to be a victim. It creates apathy: I can’t cope; I can’t go on; there is no hope.
  • Saying yes is only our hope.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF PAIN IS VERY IMPORTANT; DENIAL IS DEADLY.

SAYING YES MEANS GETTING UP AND ACTING ON YOUR BELIEF THAT YOU CAN CREATE MEANING AND PURPOSE IN WHATEVER LIFE HANDS YOU.

THE WORLD IS FILLED WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN HANDED THE “WORST” LIFE HAS TO OFFER . . . AND THEY HAVE COME OUT WINNERS!

  • Cf. Victor Frankle’s, “Man’s Search For Meaning”
  • Create a positive experience of what life handed them.
  • Apathy could be overcome. Irritability suppressed.

Summary

STEPS TO SAYING YES

Choosing Love and Trust

  • Most of us operate on hidden barter system.

IF ALL YOUR “GIVING” IS ABOUT “GETTING,” THINK HOW FEARFUL YOU WILL BECOME.

  • If all your giving is about getting, think how fearful you’ll become, and more than likely the question will soon become am I getting back enough. This kind of thinking sets up a voracious need to control other so you don’t feel short-changed. It can destroy your peace of mind, and create anger & resentment.
  • Metaphorically, we remained frightened that no one will come to relieve our hunger. When we are fearful, we can’t genuinely give. We are imbued with a deep-seated sense of scarcity in the world as if there weren’t enough to go around.

GENUINE GIVING IS NOT ONLY ALTRUISTIC; IT ALSO MAKES US FEEL BETTER.

WHEN WE GIVE FROM A PLACE OF LOVE, RATHER THAN FROM A PLACE OF EXPECTATION, MORE USUALLY COMES BACK TO US THAN WE COULD EVER HAVE IMAGINED.

Give Away Thanks

  • Anger is poisonous to your life, and creates a huge amount of fear in very subtle ways.

Give Away Information

  • Give others as much help as you can possibly give them.

Give Away Praise

YOU MUST BECOME WHAT YOU WANT TO ATTRACT. BE THE KIND OF PERSON YOU WOULD WANT TO SURROUND YOURSELF WITH.

Give Away Time

  • Listen to your friend’s problem.

Give Away Money

  • Within reason, give it away.

Give Away Love

  • Let someone be who they are without trying to change them.

YOUR LIFE IS ABUNDANT, AND YOU COUNT!

  • Every night before you go to bed, list 50 things that day that you have to be grateful for.
  • When we are the givers, we have nothing to fear.

Filing the Inner Void

  • Like attracts like.

IF WE DO NOT CONSCIOUSLY AND CONSISTENTLY FOCUS ON THE SPIRITUAL (HIGHER) PART OF OURSELVES, WE WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE THE KIND OF JOY, SATISFACTION AND CONNECTEDNESS WE ARE ALL SEEKING.

  • It takes practice & vigilance.

WHY CHOOSE TO BE RIGHT INSTEAD OF HAPPY WHEN THERE IS NO WAY TO BE RIGHT?

There Is Plenty of Time

  • Being impatience is simply a way of beating yourself up. It creates stress, dissatisfaction, and fear.
  • Your mind has to be changed first. All that is right will follow.
  • Know that you count, and if you don’t believe it, act as if you do.

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