{"id":7046,"date":"2022-01-01T07:52:00","date_gmt":"2022-01-01T12:52:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.kidtao.com\/?p=7046"},"modified":"2024-10-19T13:57:05","modified_gmt":"2024-10-19T18:57:05","slug":"perfectionism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.kidtao.com\/?p=7046","title":{"rendered":"OCD OUT"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

“A cognitive distortion<\/span> is an assumption we make based on minimal evidence or without evaluating the validity of the assumption.<\/span> We know of numerous kinds of unhelpful thinking patterns in psychology, and all-or-nothing thinking<\/em><\/span> is one of the most common. All-or-nothing thinking refers to thinking in extremes<\/em>. You’re either a success or a failure. Your performance was perfect<\/em> or terrible<\/em>. If you’re not one hundred percent, then you’re a zero. This binary<\/span> way of thinking doesn’t account for shades of gray at all. It’s an oversimplified way of making sense of a much more complicated and nuanced world.<\/span> This distortion is akin to overgeneralization<\/span> in that it broadly applies a label or value in a way that is inappropriate or self-defeating<\/span>.…To feel better and develop a more grounded understanding of the world around us, it’s important to recognize all-or-nothing thinking when it crops up and take steps to develop a more effective viewpoint.…Take, for example, all-or-nothing thinking in a job interview. During the interview, you’re caught off-guard by a question and don’t answer it as well as you’d have liked. Using all-or-nothing thinking, you’re likely to disregard the other 95% of the interview and think that it was ‘horrible’ or a ‘waste of time,’ triggering disappointment and shame. Here, it’s clear that this negative thinking pattern sets an unreasonable rule<\/span>: any outcome less than perfect equates to ‘terrible.’ It’s easy to see how seeing things in extremes can lead to a lot of harsh judgments about yourself, lowering self-esteem in the process.<\/span> This distortion can also disrupt attempts to change behavior, such as sticking to a diet. Another example: If you think about your diet in all-or-nothing terms, one indiscretion<\/span> or cheat meal could totally derail all of your whole diet<\/span>. If anything short of 100% might as well be 0%, then sticking to your diet 90% of the time means you’ve failed, so you might as well eat whatever you want.<\/span> All-Or-Nothing Thinking Examples<\/strong> A single mistake ruins the entire project.…The next-door neighbor is loud, so they’re a bad person. Anything less than an A+ is a failure.<\/span>…All-or-nothing thinking frequently serves as a breeding ground for excessive perfectionism. This distortion leads people to feel that any mistake or even an outcome that falls short of absolute perfection is a complete failure. Obviously, this is an unrealistic expectation, but it’s easy to creep in when we are not in the habit of examining our thoughts. This obsessive quest for perfection creates unattainable expectations and accentuates even tiny defects<\/span>, pushing perfectionists to participate in a never-ending loop of self-criticism<\/span> and discontent. As a result, the continuous pursuit of perfection causes chronic stress and increases negative emotions. It can also inhibit creativity, impede personal growth, and destroy self-esteem.<\/span> This perfectionistic all-or-nothing thinking is common in academic performance, career attainment, social performance, and physical appearance. Perfectionism can contribute to a number of mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, and dysregulated anger<\/span>. Habitual perfectionism can also lead to avoidance, procrastination, and not finishing simple tasks.<\/span>…All-or-nothing thinking can play a substantial role in developing and worsening clinical depression. This distortion develops a harsh view of one’s experiences and accomplishments, in which any perceived failure<\/span> or setback is viewed as a devastating defeat. Exaggerating failures and faults while dismissing positive qualities results in feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. When people fall into using this distortion habitually, this contributes to feelings of inadequacy<\/span> and a sense of being defective<\/span>, both of which are common symptoms of clinical depression<\/span>. Recognizing all-or-nothing thinking and learning new strategies to find the middle ground can help people overcome depression and enhance a greater sense of self-acceptance<\/span> and well-being.…All-or-nothing thinking is also intimately linked to the development and exacerbation of anxiety<\/span> and anxiety disorders. This distorted thinking pattern propels individuals into a state of perpetual unease<\/span>, as they believe that any situation must either result in complete success or utter failure. This extreme, binary perspective<\/span> fosters a constant fear of falling short and the anticipation of dire consequences if perfection is not achieved. The chronic apprehension resulting from this style of thinking can lead to increased baseline anxiety levels<\/span>, constantly feeling on edge<\/span>, and fearing that any misstep may result in catastrophic outcomes.<\/span> Over time, this pattern of thinking can result in anxiety disorders, such as generalized anxiety disorder<\/span> and social anxiety disorder<\/span>. Recognizing all-or-nothing thinking and learning to develop more realistic expectations can result in more confidence in challenging situations. Targeting all-or-nothing thinking is often a core component of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) for GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and CBT for social anxiety.…There are a number of CBT interventions that serve as antidotes to this distortion. One, known as cognitive restructuring<\/span> or cognitive reappraisal<\/span>, is making an effort to look for an alternative viewpoint, namely, reframing the thought by finding shades of gray<\/span>. For example, ‘I was thrown off by that one interview question, but the rest of my performance was solid.’ Another example is, ‘One brownie doesn’t erase my success with my diet. I’ve made significant changes and can expect things won’t always<\/em> go perfectly<\/span>.’ By learning to see things on a continuum<\/span> of 0 to 100 rather than 1 to 0, it’s easy to gain perspective and realize there is the possibility of a middle ground;<\/span> there are things that are a little worse, a little better, or about the same. By taking different points of view, you get out of the routine of just seeing things in black-and-white terms<\/span> and replace it with a more nuanced view of situations<\/span>. Learning to think this way can profoundly affect the way you feel about yourself and improve low self-esteem<\/span>. Identifying and reworking distortions<\/span> comes from a therapy technique called cognitive restructuring.” (Cognitive Distortions: All-Or-Nothing Thinking<\/em>. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Los Angeles, 2023)<\/p>\n

“Learning to live in the gray of life.<\/span>…[A]ll-or-nothing thinking…[t]his distortion involves seeing the world, one’s self, and the future in absolutes; something is either perfect or incredibly terrible. All-or-nothing thinking is sometimes called black-or-white thinking<\/span> and the antidote is to learn to think in the grays, to reconcile that something can be both positive and negative<\/span>. All-or-nothing thinking is also a big part of perfectionism. Perfectionism requires no mistakes, no slip-ups, and no unsolved problems. Something has to be perfect or it’s not good enough.<\/span> This type of all-or-nothing thinking can lead to depression because of past mistakes and anxiety about future performance at school or work. Perfectionism also does not reflect reality. Nobody is perfect and nothing is perfect; but it can be great, mediocre, or even excellent.<\/span>…[E]xamples of all-or-nothing thinking…[o]ften…combine with other cognitive distortions such as should statements<\/span>, magnification\/minimization<\/span>, and overgeneralization.…‘I’m a horrible worker because I messed up that report.’ People with depression can magnify or overgeneralize from a single mistake.<\/span> Their abilities or performance is either perfect or terrible, not in between.…‘She’s a terrible person because she won’t do what I want.’ People who struggle with anger towards others sometimes experience all-or-nothing thinking.<\/span> They sometimes think others should always <\/em>or never <\/em>do something and then overgeneralize when the other person sets a boundary or makes a mistake.…‘I had a cookie, so my diet is ruined. I should just eat whatever I want.’ For people trying to be healthier, a common stumbling block<\/span> is thinking they have to be perfect. This can then lead to people forgoing their diet, exercise, or sleep regimen<\/span> instead of trying to start over after a slip<\/span>. Another example of all-or-nothing thinking is harm reduction<\/span>. Harm reduction involves reducing the impact of harmful behaviors or events when they can’t be eliminated or stopped.…Another technique is to come up with an alternative that considers both the positive and negative of the situation. For example, someone might have thought, ‘I need to either stay home from work the entire day if I’m in pain or work the entire day<\/span>.’ But people with chronic pain might be able to be active for part of the day<\/span> and then need to rest.…I like to think of this process as seeing the gray in the world<\/span>. All-or-nothing thinking<\/span> is not limited to just depression or anxiety. It can play a role in all sorts of emotions such as anger and can affect people’s behavior.<\/span>” (Jones, S. M. W. Understanding and Overcoming All-or-Nothing Thinking<\/em>. Psychology Today, 2023)<\/p>\n

“Judgmental individuals often exhibit a tendency to be globally critical and harsh<\/span> towards many people and situations, often reflecting their own insecurities rather than the person or circumstance they are judging<\/span>. This behavior differs from simply judging or evaluating something, as it is driven by selfish motives rather than a genuine pursuit of truth or understanding<\/span>. One of the underlying drivers of judgmentalism is anger, which can provide a sense of power, control, and righteousness.<\/span> This perceived sense of superiority<\/span> can reinforce judgmental behavior and distract from deeper feelings or root causes of one‘s problems. In essence, being judgmental can become a crutch that prevents people from taking more productive actions to address their own issues.<\/span>…One of the most prominent signs of judgmentalism is the tendency to frequently make moral evaluations and divide people into ‘good’ or ‘bad’ categories<\/span>. Judgmental individuals often see others‘ actions as emblematic of their entire person, rather than understanding that a single action does not define someone<\/span>. They may justify their criticism as ‘the truth’ rather than acknowledging it as a judgmental perspective<\/span>. Another telltale sign is expecting perfect consistency from others and being unable to accept their failures or mistakes<\/span>. Judgmental people often maintain a generally negative and pessimistic outlook on life, judging others in a way that elevates themselves and dismisses those who are dissimilar. They tend to jump to conclusions without gathering all the facts and frequently self-criticize in addition to criticizing others.<\/span> Some other indicators of judgmentalism include: · Distrusting others and keeping them at a distance due to a fear of being hurt<\/span> · Struggling to tolerate ambiguity and engaging in black-and-white thinking<\/span><\/span> · Making assumptions about others‘ motives or intentions without knowing for sure what they are thinking or feeling<\/span> · Focusing on others‘ flaws and mistakes rather than their strengths and positive qualities<\/span> · Feeling superior to others and thinking there is a ‘right’ way to be<\/span> · Words or actions that make others feel bad about themselves<\/span>…To recognize if you are being judgmental, it‘s essential to be mindful of your thoughts and words, and check if you are judging based on assumptions rather than facts. Try to see things from others‘ perspectives and understand that everyone has had different experiences. Focus on being curious and seeking to understand rather than judging.…Here are some potential negative impacts [of judgmentalism]:…· Missed Opportunities: <\/strong>By quickly dismissing or writing off individuals based on assumptions, judgmental people may miss out on valuable connections, experiences, and opportunities for growth and learning.<\/span>…· Negative Self-Image: <\/strong>Judgmental individuals often struggle with low self-esteem and self-worth, as they tend to be overly critical of themselves as well as others.<\/span>…· Lack of Empathy and Compassion: <\/strong>Judging others without understanding their circumstances can lead to a lack of empathy and compassion, fostering an environment of intolerance and disconnection.<\/span>…Additionally, work on identifying and addressing your own emotional triggers and insecurities that may cause you to be overly sensitive to judgment from others. Often, our harshest critics are ourselves, and this self-criticism can manifest as a tendency to judge others harshly as well.…to cultivate self-awareness…4. Embrace Imperfection: <\/strong>Recognize that no one is perfect, including yourself.<\/span> Accepting your flaws and those of others can help you become more understanding and less judgmental.…When we find ourselves making judgments about others, it‘s essential to pause and reframe our thoughts by considering alternative perspectives. By doing so, we can break the cycle of negative thinking and cultivate a more open and understanding mindset.…· Focus on your own growth and development rather than criticizing others.<\/span> By actively challenging negative thought patterns and replacing them with more compassionate and understanding perspectives, you can gradually break free from the habit of judging others harshly.…to incorporate mindfulness and acceptance<\/span> into your daily life…4. Radical Acceptance: <\/strong>Cultivate the ability to accept situations, people, and experiences as they are, without trying to change or judge them. This doesn‘t mean condoning harmful behavior, but rather acknowledging that certain things are beyond your control.<\/span> 5. Self-Compassion: <\/strong>Extend the same kindness and understanding to yourself that you would offer to a loved one. When you catch yourself being judgmental, respond with self-compassion and remind yourself that everyone, including you, is a work in progress<\/span>.…When dealing with judgmental people, it‘s crucial to establish healthy boundaries and limit exposure to their negativity.<\/span> Here are some strategies to consider: · Avoid stooping to their level and engaging in judging or criticism yourself,<\/span> as this can lead to feelings of guilt, embarrassment, or annoyance later. Instead, respond calmly and set boundaries if needed, rather than getting defensive or arguing.<\/span>…· Identify your emotional triggers—the criticism may be striking at your own insecurities or past trauma.<\/span> Take a step back to understand where the judgmental people are coming from, as their criticism often has more to do with their own issues than you.<\/span>…When setting boundaries with narcissists, who often have a double standard and rationalize their own bad behavior while harshly judging others, be prepared for them to try to break through the boundaries, seeing them as a weakness to be exploited. The outcome depends on factors like the type of narcissist, the stability of the relationship, and your assertiveness and independence<\/span>. If you‘re prepared to leave the relationship if the boundary is not respected, the narcissist may eventually agree to the boundary to save the relationship.…Ultimately, the journey towards becoming less judgmental is an ongoing process<\/span> of personal growth and self-reflection. It involves acknowledging our flaws, embracing imperfections, and striving to understand others‘ perspectives without the need to evaluate or criticize<\/span>.” (Unravelling the Psychology of Judgemental People: A Comprehensive Guide<\/em>. Inquire Talk, 2024)<\/p>\n

“We define perfectionism as the need or intense desire to be—or to appear—flawless. It involves setting extremely high standards for oneself and then setting out to achieve those standards. Perfectionism is based on an inflexible<\/span> all-or-nothing type of thinking. Perfectionism has no place for continua.<\/span> In its most extreme form, you derive no pleasure or satisfaction from your accomplishments unless your internal and external judgments rate you as perfect. Most perfectionists are too sophisticated to believe that you could be totally flawless. After all, to err is human, and absolute perfectionism leaves no room for this human trait. So, you might tell yourself that you just want to be ‘as good as you possibly can be.’ But this doesn’t insulate<\/span> you from the desire to be as perfect as possible and the same all-or-nothing way of thinking (‘your very best’ or ‘not your very best’).…[P]erfectionism traps you in an evaluation system that focuses on flaws and mistakes. Perfectionists don’t rate themselves on how well they do. They focus on how much they fall below their desired standard. Imagine taking a test where you get no credit for correct answers but get penalized for every wrong one. You would fret over every answer, worried that even one error would destroy your chances of passing. That is the world that perfectionists inhabit. No wonder decisions become excruciatingly difficult! Leaving no room for mistakes is an awful formula for learning, growing more confident in your decisions, and adding to your repertoire of skills. We start every new experience as a beginner.<\/span> Almost always, beginners feel awkward, anxious, and uncomfortable and yet proceed to make choices along with or despite these emotions<\/em>. And, if you wait to proceed until your awkwardness or anxiety dissolves, you might well wait forever! Here again, your all-or-nothing thinking paralyzes you into non-action and non-choice. Perfectionism naturally leads to paralysis. Most perfectionists value the effort to be perfect because they falsely attribute<\/span> their successes to it. When hard-working, well-intended people abandon perfectionism, what happens is not mediocrity but excellence.<\/span> And a much more joyful experience of any effort. The mean taskmaster of perfectionism makes necessary uncertainties intolerable, takes the pleasure out of learning, and paralyzes you in the face of choices and decisions. Perfectionism is the enemy of creativity. When you become overly concerned about doing things just right, you become risk-averse<\/span> and unable to take creative leaps of faith. You are restricted to safe<\/em> choices. Perfectionism is also the breeding ground of unrealistic expectations. If you expect yourself to be close to flawless, you will always be disappointing yourself. Making the right choice is burdened with the task of protecting your self-esteem and self-worth. So, you invariably lose self-confidence<\/span> and put even more pressure on yourself to be perfect next time. Perfectionism leaves no room for self-compassion<\/span><\/span> or for valuing who you are rather than what you accomplish. Some perfectionists believe they would lose respect without it or that mistakes would have dire consequences for perceiving you. But many studies discover that perfectionistic people tend to be judged by others as more critical, more hostile, and less likable than those seen as non-perfectionistic. This is the exact opposite of the (false) belief that mistakes lower your respect and likeability. So, striving for perfection is both impossible and ill-advised. Others appreciate graciousness, humility, and humor in the face of mistakes.<\/span> Since perfectionism is intrinsically linked to all-or-nothing thinking, it is a common partner to catastrophic thinking<\/span>. Perfectionistic children (and their parents) can view one failed test as starting a cascade of forced choices that will result in academic failure, the inability to get into the ‘right’ college, and the abandonment<\/span> of their career goals. Every decision becomes incredibly important since one wrong choice can lead to a collapse in a series of ‘just right’ outcomes required to achieve that perfect result. One patient believed that they would not stand it if they disappointed a friend, which led them to avoid having friends, as the burden they placed on themselves to be a perfect friend was too great.<\/span>…But imagine if you weren’t so demanding of yourself. What if you felt free enough to look at each choice you make as a learning experience? What if you could believe that each mistake you make allows you to learn to do better the next time? What if feeling embarrassed about something was a temporary experience that led to positive change?<\/span> What if you could focus on the positive aspects of imperfection<\/span>, as opposed to the catastrophic ones?” (Seif, M. & Winston, S. Behind Chronic Indecisiveness: Perfectionism<\/em>. Psychology Today, 2021)<\/p>\n

“It’s healthy to strive for excellence, but setting impossibly high expectations to achieve perfection isn’t. And people with ADHD<\/span>, thanks to a lifetime of personal and professional disappointments, are prone to perfectionist tendencies that end up perpetuating an unhealthy cycle.<\/span>They engage in all-or-nothing thinking: Nothing is good enough, or they are so overwhelmed with doing something perfectly that they do nothing. It’s a vicious cycle only worsens feelings of shame, failure, worthlessness, and anxiety. Perfectionism manifests differently in each person. Here, ADDitude readers share their most prominent traits of perfectionism.…‘I always find little imperfections in my painting that someone else would never notice. Painting is supposed to be an outlet for me, but I get so anxious about selecting the ‘right’ colors or doing the ‘right’ technique<\/strong> that sometimes it just doesn’t get done.’…‘My perfectionist tendencies mean that I overthink and find it tough to start tasks. Sometimes I feel paralyzed with stress<\/strong>. Then it takes me too long to get stuff done. Inevitably this leads to more stress.’…‘I don’t set reasonable boundaries to stop working.<\/strong> This results in neglecting my health and well-being. I stay up too late, eat a poor diet, hardly exercise, and negatively self-talk. Since I don’t get nearly enough sleep, I sleep in until the last minute, which makes me late. Then I have to make up excuses. All of this is a never-ending cycle.’…‘I find myself wanting and needing to do more, yet I never feel like I accomplished enough during the day. My to-do list never ends<\/strong> because I can’t say ‘no’ enough.’” (ADDitude Editors My Fear of Failure Becomes Paralyzing Perfectionism<\/em>. WebMD, 2023)<\/p>\n

“…Voltaire astutely reminds us that ‘Perfect is the enemy of good<\/span>’, highlighting the fact that the quest for perfection is often a futile one. It can often backfire and harm the overall quality of your work, or you could hamper your productivity.…It’s important to remember that perfectionism often results in diminishing returns<\/span>. Economist Vilfredo Pareto explained this phenomenon numerically with the aptly named ‘Pareto Principle<\/span>’, or the ‘80-20 rule<\/span>’, as it’s often called. Pareto stated that it often takes 20% of your effort to complete 80% of the task at hand. Then, it takes 80% effort to complete the last 20% of your task, suggesting that the more time you spend perfecting…, the less value you’re actually adding.” (Cameron, E. 3 insightful Voltaire quotes that can teach you about creating captivating content<\/em>. The Yardstick Agency, 2023)<\/p>\n

“‘How valuable was that last 20%? Was it worth so much of my time to actually try to get to 100% or could that time be better leveraged getting to 80% somewhere else?’…While it is always desirable to achieve the 100% solution, sometimes that is not actually the best thing to do. In fact, sometime pursuing perfection can cause a negative outcome.…Rather than focus on the things that can be gained with a partial solution, the focus is often on the areas where there are problems. In pursuit of perfection, the end result is often nothing.…Learning to embrace ‘good enough’ can be a tough challenge. It is hard to stop striving for the perfect solution and learn to embrace the good solution at hand.…one more quote from General George Patton: ‘A good plan, violently executed now, is better than a perfect plan next week.’ Focus on identifying and implementing good plans that are readily available. Stop chasing perfection.” (Winchester, R. Perfect is the Enemy<\/em>. Specter Ops, 2019)<\/p>\n

“In 1955, British historian Cyril Northcote Parkinson published an essay in The Economist in which he examined why bureaucracy grows. In the essay, Parkinson states: ‘It is a commonplace observation that work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.<\/span>‘ This basically means however long you have to complete a task is usually how long it will take. Without a sense of urgency—like a looming deadline—our tendency is to fill the time given with irrelevant decisions and distractions. Parkinson‘s Law<\/span> essentially states that despite the intention not to, everyone is prone to wasting time and effort<\/span>.…If a task will take the time given to complete it, productivity can often be increased by compressing deadlines—within reason of course. Too much time to complete a project or task leads to the possibility of irrelevant decisions, which in turn lead to distractions.” (Charfen, A. The 4 Keys to Fixing Your Productivity Challenge<\/em>. The Huffington Post, 2017)<\/p>\n

“[T]he more time we are given to complete a task, the longer we will take to do it. This is a take on Parkinson’s Law, which states that ‘work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.’ More time begets more procrastination<\/span>, especially if the expectations of difficulty and importance are unclear.” (Himelstein, C. Three Simple Rules For Managing Deadlines<\/em>. Forbes Councils,, 2019)<\/p>\n

“Fighting the negative is a total waste of time if you really want to make changes in your life. The more you dwell on what you don’t want, the more of it you create. The things about yourself or your life that you have always disliked are probably still with you.<\/em> What you put your attention on grows and becomes permanent in your life.<\/span> Move away from the negative, and put your attention on what it is that you really do<\/em> want to be or have.…If you like your job but feel you are not getting paid enough, then begin to bless your current salary with love. Expressing gratitude for what we already have enables it to grow.<\/span> Affirm that you are now opening your consciousness to a greater prosperity and that PART of that prosperity is an increased salary. Affirm that you deserve a raise, not for negative reasons, but because you are a great asset to the company and the owners want to share their profits with you. Always do the best you can on the job, for then, the Universe will know that you are ready to be lifted out of where you are to the next and even better place. Your consciousness put you where you are now. Your consciousness will either keep you there or lift you to a better position. It\u2019s up to you.<\/span>” (Hay, L. L. You Can Heal Your Life<\/em>. Hay House, 2004)<\/p>\n

“Psychologically speaking, resistance and resolution are at opposite poles.…the depth psychologist Carl Jung contended that ‘what you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.’<\/span>…it’s wise to accept what is, if only to put yourself in the best possible position to change<\/em> it—or to achieve the freedom to move past it<\/span>,…I’m in no way intimating that you adopt a defeatist attitude in the face of what you deem inequitable or unjust, just that your resistance doesn’t end up taking the form of resisting yourself<\/em><\/span>.…Typically, when you’re resisting what constitutes your reality—or rather, your subjective (and possibly faulty) sense<\/em> of that reality<\/span>—you’re shying away from it, complaining about it, resenting it, protesting against it, or doing battle with it. Without much self-realization, your energy, your focus, is concentrated on not<\/em> moving beyond what opposes you, not<\/em> coming to terms with it. And unconsciously, your impulse toward resistance tends to be about avoiding the more hurtful, or disturbing, aspects of the experience. These adverse feeling states generally involve fear, shame, pain, or feelings of being hopelessly out of control<\/span>.…To actually ‘welcome’ such affliction back into your life—to dare to open yourself up to it all over again—might seem almost perverted<\/span>, or masochistic<\/span>.<\/span> Nonetheless, this understandably defensive posture only serves to perpetuate old, out-of-date thoughts and feelings about yourself, which are usually exaggerated and negatively distorted<\/span>. And such instances of resistance keep you stuck in life, compromising your present-day ability to perform positive, problem-rectifying actions.<\/span> Or, on the other hand, they prevent you from accepting, and reconciling<\/span> yourself to, what perhaps can’t<\/em> be changed—at least not now<\/span>.…Even though their ‘rattling’ their bars inside you may over time have become less audible, the sub-conscious energy devoted to keeping them locked up has only sapped you of the vitality required to live fully (which is to say, unguardedly<\/em>) in the present.<\/span>…The pain you may have worked so hard to stifle—but which nonetheless has ‘prevailed’ within you—will eventually make itself known physically<\/em>, in the form of symptoms you can no longer avoid.<\/span>…if you allow such feelings to downright obsess<\/em> you, if you focus on them to the exclusion of everything else (and thereby feel victimized by them), that form<\/em> of resistance, too, will sap your energy and be immobilizing.…the tendency to ‘awfulize’ or ‘catastrophize’ the unwanted things that happen to you, and how this melodramatic reaction<\/span> only serves to worsen your state of mind and feeling.<\/span> Rather than concentrating on taking corrective action, or making a pact with yourself to accept what you can’t change<\/span>, you allow your self-defeating ruminations to paralyze you.…emotions come and go. The illusion of their permanence<\/span> is mostly something fabricated by your mind. Still, if from deep within you’re driven to focus vigilantly<\/span> on them, you’ll thereby intensify them and (however inadvertently) be ‘inviting’ them to hang around indefinitely. We may all be subject to adverse circumstances, but finally it’s in our understandable but wrong-headed resistance<\/em><\/span> to them that causes our disquietude—not the events themselves.<\/span>…you can end your suffering by embracing it.<\/span>…One route that many of us take to avoid suffering is by blaming others for our misery. But allowing your resentments and animosities to linger indefinitely only perpetuates your gloom. And this is why there are reams of literature on the practical value<\/span> of forgiving those who have wronged you (or at least so you think)<\/span>. As long as you hold onto your hostility or hatred, you’ll never be able to rid yourself of the bad feelings still residing within you. The only<\/em> way to free yourself from such toxic emotions is to accept that what happened happened, and that it’s now time to let go—so you can move on and put your energy into something that would be more fulfilling to you.<\/span>…‘[the] Law of Attraction<\/span>.’ Based on the homeopathic notion that ‘like attracts like,’ this not really scientifically validated precept centers on the principle that you’re ‘blessed—or ‘cursed’—with whatever you focus on. So if your attention revolves around what you don’t want, you’ll just attract more of it to you. By devoting all your energy to what you’re convinced is so important to avoid<\/em>, you paradoxically further ‘energize’ it, and so permit it to have even more power over you. Through your misdirected attention<\/span>, you actually strengthen exactly what you’d hope to weaken. And just as your resistance to it lets it ‘take you over,’ abandoning this self-protective, defensive stance paves the way for positive change. For this negativity, no longer ‘fed’ by your attention to it, will in the natural course of things wither and die<\/span>. And even if it doesn’t, accepting what has felt so un<\/em>-acceptable reduces the stress it’s been causing you. Or rather, you’ve<\/em> been causing yourself.<\/span>…you’re much better off focusing not on what’s blocking you from realizing your desires, but on the desires themselves—and how best to reach them nonetheless … or (if need be) simply to relinquish them.<\/span>” (Seltzer, L. F. You Only Get More of What You Resist—Why?<\/em>. Psychology Today, 2016)<\/p>\n

“I accept the way I am today, versus the way that I’m ‘supposed’ to be.” (Caron, C. Perfectionism Is a Trap. Here’s How to Escape.<\/em>. The New York Times Company, 2024)<\/p>\n

“People can develop a process-based approach to life by tending to the moment at hand, identifying the bigger picture, and savoring the journey.<\/strong>…If you are a striver, you probably love words like ‘product<\/span>,’ ‘outcome<\/span>,’ and ‘finish line<\/span>.’…Focusing on process over outcome helps you be more present and adaptable,<\/span> and it fosters a growth mindset.…Tending to the process helps you stick with it when an old pattern shows up. You refocus your awareness on the present moment, the task at hand, and take a step forward.…When you focus on outcomes like weight loss when starting a healthy behavior, you are likely to give up sooner than if you shift your attention towards the process of pursuing your values or the positive feeling of moving your body more.…Viewing your life, your behavior change, and your struggles as a process<\/span> frees you up to enjoy the journey<\/span> and to find your way back when you inevitably get off track.” (Hill, D. 4 Steps to Start Living Your Life in Process<\/em>. Psychology Today, 2021)<\/p>\n

“We focus on the destination<\/span>, but the process can be just as enjoyable.<\/strong><\/span> Have you ever created a goal, reached it, become content, and then went looking for the next best thing? How quickly our lives adjust.…We so quickly adjust our realities and constantly create ‘new normals.’ This cycle we get into is called the hedonic treadmill<\/span>. We all have different goals for ourselves — different mountains to climb.…but in reality, it was just the base of another one.…It’s easy to think that we’ve ‘made it’ to the top of the mountain, but in reality, we just got to a plateau or a curve that we didn’t see from the perspective we were at. Our journey spans as long as we live and if we think we’ve made it, we may be limiting ourselves.<\/span>…That is why some of us feel like we’re never happy. We tend to want to see things as a destination because it provides us a sense of certainty, finality, and accomplishment — as it should. However, there is another piece that often gets lost, which is that we’re always in a state of change. There is no singular destination, but multiple ones.<\/span> It’s not about wanting more, but being present for where we are.…‘I got so focused on the difficulty of the climb that I lost sight of being grateful for simply having a mountain to climb.’It’s great to have new goals, but if we’re always looking for the next best thing, jumping from place to place, without taking time to appreciate the views on the climb, it won’t matter where we are because we’re taking our current feelings to our new destination.…Wherever you are, that is OK. You can only get to the top one step at a time. Just focus on what the next best step is for yourself.” (Khoddam, R. Finding Joy in the Journey<\/em>. Psychology Today, 2018)<\/p>\n

“Quipping that ‘April showers bring May flowers’ trains the brain to see April (and its showers) as something to persevere through to get to the May flowers. That perspective brings resistance with it, whether conscious or unconscious. This resistance introduces negativity. What if, instead, one were to focus on the sheer joy of the showers themselves? Not as a way to get to the ultimate destination<\/span> of flowers but, rather, as an exceptional experience in and of itself.<\/span>…Rather than April showers being something to endure on the journey to<\/em> May flowers, they would become a gift that brings joy in<\/em> the journey.…Think of any task or series of tasks awaiting completion at the moment. Consider the steps required to complete these tasks. Rather than thinking of these as have-to-do items or hurdles to overcome, choose, instead, to ;appreciate each step of the journey en route to completion of that task<\/span>. Recognize that this is, in fact, a choice. The same choice arises when considering larger life goals<\/span>. Everyone gets to determine where to put their focus and what meaning to attach to their thoughts. One can focus on the end goal<\/span>, seeing each step in the process as a necessary evil to reach that goal. Or one can embrace those interim steps<\/span> as moments to be fully experienced and enjoyed along the way.<\/span> Negotiating one’s mindset may be the most important negotiation undertaken in every moment of each day. When considering bigger life visions and dreams, one can see the steps along the path to that vision as a grind<\/span>, a trial<\/span>, a tribulation<\/span>. Alternatively, one can choose mindful presence in each moment as one moves toward that vision.…Simple perspective shifts can be game changers in life. Why not choose to adopt one of these game changers now? From attending to small tasks to relationship building, to building an empire, choose joy in the journey<\/span>. How simple is that?” (Watson, C. Finding Joy in the Journey<\/em>. Psychology Today, 2024)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“A cognitive distortion is an assumption we make based on minimal evidence or without evaluating the validity of the assumption. We know of numerous kinds of unhelpful thinking patterns in psychology, and all-or-nothing thinking is one of the most common. All-or-nothing thinking refers to thinking in extremes. You’re either a success or a failure. Your […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7046","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-career"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kidtao.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7046","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kidtao.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kidtao.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kidtao.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kidtao.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7046"}],"version-history":[{"count":40,"href":"https:\/\/www.kidtao.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7046\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7307,"href":"https:\/\/www.kidtao.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7046\/revisions\/7307"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.kidtao.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7046"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kidtao.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7046"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.kidtao.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7046"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}